To whom it may concern,
I am sad to hear about the poor rich people who have had so little to do in this time of recession that they need to resort to archaic entertainment and sport. Sadly of course bear baiting has failed due to lack of bears. The cock fighting was akin to a goose-down allergy alert. And Dragon slaying died with the knights and chivalry.
Dog fighting is going strong, surprisingly, considering the English love of dogs, but then again they are supposed to love each other too but don't seem to mind letting children go hungry and homeless. So we actually get a good deal, sometimes death comes quick and sometimes we don't leave a family behind to starve without us. And we get a fair go of it, we are let out of the cage.
So I'd like to sign up for voluntary service in the Fox Hunt to help those poor rich people until they find better employment (and to give the poor little rich kids something to aspire to).
PS. My mum says I'm only saying this because I've been bred for the hunt and never known what its like to be free. Well you know what mums are like! She thinks it's not fair using horses and dogs but I told her the English aren't fast enough otherwise! Then she said some gibberish about Darwin awards and turkeys voting for Christmas. She just doesn't understand. I want to follow in my father's footsteps and carry on the tradition of dying for the cause.
Yours Fighting for the Freedom of the Fox
& the Employment of Rich People
Cub No. 359