Don't Listen

East End Graffiti (2005)

Many management and self development courses list 'listening skills' and the improvement of such skills in their course outlines. Interviews and matchmaking websites have prospective candidates, in an effort to impress, purporting to be 'good listeners.' Last week I, in an attempt to learn more, committed to concentrating on this life skill to improve on the quantity and quality of my listening. After a week I had enough.

Enough Listening

Plastic Ducks Listening

I have had enough of listening. I do it all the time. It's my job and inclination. However its not an appropriate word to describe the level of interactivity and engagement that is necessary in community work. Just hearing isn't enough. Paying attention is key. I can hear and not understand or empathise or have any emotional reaction, which some may actually call 'being professional'. Professionals feel. Professionals are allowed to feel. Professionals should feel. We just have to be professional in our response to those feelings.

The Dead have Something To Say

Listening is limited to living people. There are so many people we should pay attention to who are dead. Fortunately we can know what they have to say in their writing. From Shakespeare to Helen Keller, they may be dead but we can still learn from them. As Steven King suggests, when we read what authors have to say its like we are reading their minds. Even dead minds.

Can Deaf People 'Hear'?

Some Deaf people do - some Deaf people don't. All Deaf people communicate, respond, translate and interpret and understand. Whether understanding comes from reading sign language or lip reading or reading braille or reading by the touch of the hand or simply reading, listening is not necessary to that understanding.

Not Hearing Right?

What about the people we hear who we don't want to hear, like the person in the cafe quoting from the book 'Is God Anti Gay.' We aren't book burners so we try to concentrate on not snatching it from his hand and setting it alight within a minute of hearing what he has to say. We pay attention instead to what our reasonable colleagues say. Perhaps he was explaining how ridiculous religious prejudices were and using the book to provide evidence. We understand and love them for their optimism. And they are right – we don't know the context.

Who Listens to Themselves?

Our thoughts and our bodies and our souls in between - do we 'listen' to them? Do we heed the signals? Are we paying attention to our prejudices to avoid discrimination? Are we mindful of our habits to avoid the bad ones? Are we aware of our bodies subtle signals to avoid ill health? Do we just ignore the communication and let our subconscious deal with it without our conscious attention? That is until it gets to the point when it is like a large billboard on the highway of life and the driving force of the conscious can't ignore it anymore?

Don't Listen

Let's not listen. Let's be mindful. Pay attention. We want to engage and understand and learn. Not just listen. I propose that we attend. That we apply our minds and energies. That we stop inactive listening. And we start understanding. That's all there is really.

The Big Bang Theory of Thinking

The Battle of Sheldon

Sheldon, from 'The Big Bang Theory' stands in front of a whiteboard with his college Dr Koothrappali. They prepare to engage with the physics equation on the board. In silence they start. Rocky's Eye of the Tiger starts in the background. The scene cuts with the music to Sheldon and Koothrappali in different stances eyeing the equation, from standing in front of the table, to behind or leaning on it or upright with arms folded to leaning on a hip or hand to chin in thought. The music continues over the silent battle of wits.

Sheldon's Struggle

Sheldon's struggle with the problem or fight for the answer is an excellent expression of what it means when we as community workers have to give head space and time to an issue. When we just have to think about it. Not talk to someone about it. Not read about it. Not draw diagrams or charts or use calculators or weighing scales. We have to use our brains for the calculations and ideas as illustrations and metaphors, and our conscience and values do the weighing up.

In the Ring

And it can be as exhausting as going 10 rounds with a heavy weight. Your head hurts and your stomach churns. You can't tell up from down and the ring gets smaller the longer you are in it. You want the round to end. Sometimes the bell sounds when you least expect it and other times you are desperately waiting, watching for the signs. You want a referee to come in and break it up. And sometimes its a knockout and as you count to ten...you suddenly become conscious. And you're back in the ring. Back in the game. Able to give the wall of steel that's between you and victory, the killer punch.

Necessary Violence

The only violence that thinking people can advocate, is figurative - where the only battles lost and won are of the mind. Sometimes its quiet and sometimes we hear Eye of the Tiger.

The soundtrack of our lives never lies – listen.

Listening

'The art of conversation is the art of hearing as well as of being heard.'

William Hazlitt, Selected Essays, 1778-1830

I thought of an idea for a book today which brought to mind Walter de la Mare's poem The Listeners (1979). I remembered learning it at school. Especially the words...

‘Is there anybody there?’ said the Traveller,  

Knocking on the moonlit door;

   .......

But only a host of phantom listeners   

That dwelt in the lone house then

Stood listening in the quiet of the moonlight   

To that voice from the world of men:

.....

For he suddenly smote on the door, even   

Louder, and lifted his head:—

‘Tell them I came, and no one answered,   

That I kept my word,’ he said.

When working with a young person this week on some ideas for an animation project we had tried some ideas by ripping paper and using a camera to create some simple stop-motion which we'd tried before. She was so impressed by what was possible with so little, by what could be achieved when a world is created, that she exclaimed 'We could do anything!'

I was delighted that she could imagine that anything was possible and hoping to build on this commented that what she said could be a great title and theme for a piece of animation. She loved the idea and wanted to call it #wecoulddoanything. And it would be all about the things that could be animated and things she thought were worthwhile doing. Like giving blood. Like having an open mind. Like talking  to people. 'Why talk to people?' I asked, wondering if it was for friendship or in case people were lonely. 'So you can learn more', she said.

I believe I know why it is satisfying to me to hear someone. 
When I can really hear someone, it puts me in touch with him; it enriches my life. 
It is through hearing people that I have learned all that I know about individuals, 
about personality, about interpersonal relationships. 

Carl Rogers, 1964

As Alice Miller says 'Learning is a result of listening,' and I am planning on listening and learning lots more.